No Blog...just sleepeez

I am on work hiatus and DS is on school hiatus. Got the bug to write something so I checked in on my blog...W.O.W. I cannot believe I took a whole YEAR off from writing even one post. Truly, everyone seems to want to forget 2013 as it came with many woes and losses. I for one lost a job, a livelihood that jeapordized me and my son's very stability. Still, I weathered it and believe I came out the better for it. I took a different approach...I did not freak out...I prioritized sleep (or our term of endearment "sleepeez") and had the time to help my son through his transitions and challenges. All in all it was a good year if you are into silver linings and for this mami it was as close as I am going to get to heaven.

Our son is growing...

Something a little odd about the American culture is its lack of rites of passage that actually mean something. For the most part, as in olden times, its biological reason that marks a young boy or girl's life in America. And, it usually coincides with a public event, say, entering middle school, moving from the big boys to the men's shoe sizes, or moving from the happy meal to the mighty meal. The problem is that there really is no formal way to show or celebrate this transition. However, most religious traditions got this. Hence, the importance of rituals and ceremonies. I for one want to come up with something. We are Christian and it may just take a re-comittment to our Lord ceremony for my son to be blessed as he enters his 'tweens'. This is an awkward moment and even more so for a child growing up without his father. He may need this even more so than most children. He needs to reinforce the idea that he is loved no matter what by the most important father who will ever know him. This, indeed, will help him no matter what type of life transition he goes through, now, or in the future.

Happy Birthday Once again

It is officially over. At Midnight I have been officially another year older for approximately 6 hours and 30 minutes. Funny, the difference a year makes. I was with a job last year, had a big party, was freshly recovering from the divorce and putting my son on his medication. I was pretty much a half wreck. Now, I am a quarter wreck. My meds are finally working and our supports through the Wraparound Reach program (a Blessing!) are helping. Lord knows my new position can be challenging (in a good way) and I know that this is where He wants me to be. So now, as I sit listening to Mariza (awesome Faro singer) and hear the purr of kitty and bigger kitty cat, Nini and Lola and know my sweet boy is sleeping soundly at Gramma's, I am content. I am a year older, not so much wiser as much as more trusting that God's plan and our lives are going to be fine for as long as we are here and open to His will.

Easy does it.

I am in a zone that I call the 'hinterlands'. I am neither fully integrated nor fully outcast. I am just zoning in and out and sideways and backways in life for a while. Maybe I'll never reach my desired destination. To fully be at peace and in love with myself to allow others to love me and to finally allow my son to grow in peace and loving understanding. He will not perish. He and I will be successful. He will grow to love himself. We will are on our way to unafraid. That's why traveling light is key and being aware of the 'hinterlands' is no longer an obstacle but an adventure in tranquility. Be well.

No one to Blame

My son was admitted to partial day treatment at a psychiatric hospital yesterday. Leading up to this, he had been telling me he wanted to go back. He was there when he was 7 when he just had a melt down in school. His little psyche couldn't handle the rejection and not to mention the problems at home. He had no safe place. I was too drawn into my own wife and employee drama to really notice what steps I needed to take to protect my son. Since then, it has been all about my lack of insight as to what it means to protect my son. I know now that I cannot be with anyone else. Right now. My main objective is to get as healthy in my mind and in my heart as possible for my sons sake. He needs my energy to to be healthy not co-dependent unhealthy. We are at a cross roads. His anger at the world is really a cry for desperate structure and consistency. I am being called to the plate. To show off my new skills at self control and calm, even tempered discipline. He wants to know that I am not going anywhere, that mommy can make the hurt go away. I may never have been good at kissing the boo boos, but band aids, those I have plenty of and not running out soon. Later on, its my hope my training in emotional healing will help with the deeper wounds. For now, the meds and some gentle encouragement reminding me that no one is to blame may be what our doctor ordered.

Chilling at a Cafe...

Ever just sit with your kid at a cafe? I am soaking it up as I sit here doing my thing while he does his. Ever so often we interact (of course I initiate) and it feels terrific...like..we are in peace. Peace is a hard emotional commodity to come by. It takes work and it takes intention. Like art, it is part inspiration, part action. I made a peace action by buying tickets to one my DS's favorite books turned plays: Ms. Nelson is Missing! I downloaded the activity booklet and used it to go over pre-play questions. I got excited! Now, its I that can't wait for the show to start! O.k...to be a parent, I think its a requirement that to find true peace, one realize that they are to be O.K. with being a kid again.:) Thanks for reading.

Start an antibullying program - Never too early to start | GreatSchools

Start an antibullying program - Never too early to start | GreatSchools